Reaching for the Dream

Wishing costs us nothing but Expectation demands something from us. It requires that we do something – REACH!

I have been contemplating and journaling some on the facets of dreaming – why some people do, why some people don't, what's involved, etc.

I'm beginning to recognize that one reason it is easy for me to dream is because I actually feel empowered enough to believe I can make some of them become a reality.

I credit this optimism to three things in my life:

1 - I was blessed with parents who believed in me and taught me I could accomplish whatever I set my mind to;

2 - I have a husband who is a permission giver. He may not understand or share all of my dreams, but he is a perpetual “green light”, encouraging me to go for it;

3 - I believe that many of my dreams are backed and supported by God Almighty, the ultimate Dream Giver. I am not talking about a super-optimistic, Santa Claus perspective of God – making out my list and being a good enough girl to get my wish granted. I do believe, though, that some of my dreams originated in His heart first and that He shaped my heart and desires to reflect His own. Other dreams are purely mine, but I think He delights in them because they delight me.

If I were a climbing vine, these things have been the lattice I cling to as I reach higher. They support me so that I can make the step to the next rung toward my dream. Lucky for me, you might say, but where does that leave you? These factors have definitely made it easier for me to reach for and believe in my dreams, but I don't think they are prerequisites. All it means is that I will be less of a hero than many others who overcome greater obstacles to see their dream fulfilled. True heroes are those who face great odds, overwhelming circumstances, and huge roadblocks, but don't give up.

They keep reaching.

They do something.

And then they do the next thing.

Until their dream comes true.

And so can you.

Do something.

Sign up for that class.

Write that story.

Ask that girl out on a date.

Start saving for that trip.

Apply for that job.

Find those who will be your lattice.

And REACH.

Where I Found Hope

I love when deep truth collides with mundane routine.

This morning, I was out in my garden doing some late summer pruning - sun shining, perfect, mild Oregon day. I started with the obvious – the dead flowers that were an irritant to me every time I walked outside. In the process of that task, I uncovered more hidden needs – some weeds that had been sneakily growing underneath the cover of fallen stems, entire limbs and stalks that had shriveled and died and needed to be pruned out. Those tasks accomplished, I then surveyed the current status of the garden.

With more obvious eyesores resolved, I now noticed a plant that wasn't looking too bad yet, but would need to be cut back within the next week or two. I debated with myself on the wisdom of pruning it now – I may as well do it while I had the tools handy, the time, and the right weather conditions – It wasn't in terrible shape, but it was beginning to fade - Would the stubby stems looks worse than its current state? I finally made my decision and began cutting the long stems. As I cut out the summer growth, I was surprised to find new leaves growing up underneath. I thought my pruning indicated the ending of its season, but here hidden within, I was pleasantly surprised to find more life was yet to come.

In the middle of the stalks, now cut back, I noticed one of my garden stones. I have several decorative rocks, with various words chiseled in them, arranged around my plants. This one had evidently been thrown by the household toddler into the midst of the shrub. I reached down to lift it out and as I turned it over, was struck with that “This is eternity talking – listen up!” feeling. It read HOPE. Had this been a movie, in that moment the camera would have zoomed in on my frozen gaze, followed by a montage of flashback scenarios that pieced together other moments culminating into this one moment's epiphany.

Just when we think a season has run its course, just when we feel life has begun to fade, we see the proverbial clippers heading toward us and we think, “Oh great, another pruning, more change, more loss”. What we don't see is that the Master Gardener knows that underneath that fading, old growth is greener, new life that needs to see the light of day. It's not always just the obvious, dead, shriveled things He goes for. “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful” John 15.

In the last few years, I think I have learned to not be so afraid of the pruning process. I have learned that those things that feel like loss may really be the road to greater life and vitality. In the midst of life's pruning, my Rock of Hope is in knowing Who holds the clippers.

When Disappointment Drowns our Dreams

Some believe that the prevention of disappointment lies in never desiring, dreaming, or expecting anything - or at least, expecting anything GOOD.  Others believe the safest insurance is to always expect the WORST. I have tried that existence and found it to be highly unsatisfactory.

Someone once told me that disappointment comes when we decide what something should look like.

We lock into a picture of what is “good” or “best” based on our current perspective and anything or anyone (usually our spouse or kids) that does not follow our written script is disappointing. The first problem with this approach is again the illusion of control. To think that we can influence all people and events in our world in a manner that would ensure the safety of our own hearts is an impossibility that actually ensures a life of frustration and disappointment. The second problem is a world view that there is always the proverbial “shoe” ready to drop. What we expect and look for in life or in people, we eventually find, once again, ensuring an existence rife with fear and disappointment.

So perhaps there is another possibility - to live in a state that desires and dreams but keeps an openness and flexibility.  This, of course, is made easier if your world view includes some ideas of hope and justice. 

“Good things happen to good people, bad things happen to bad people” is a commonly held view...until something bad happens to us or someone we love. 

“God helps those who help themselves” is a common view for all strivers and perfectionists...probably because it reinforces the illusion of control. 

Personally, the only view that keeps me in a state of desire minus disappointment is “God works all things together for the good of those who love Him”.  Then I have to surrender my idea of “good” and I have to ask myself, “Do I trust that He knows what's good for me?” and “What do I believe about His heart for me – that His “good” will always equal pain?” (If so, then there are bigger issues to tackle that would take a much larger article.)  Or do I believe that He fashioned my heart and its desires and wants to partner with me to see my life be abundant and fulfilling? 

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” Prov 13:12.

Believe me, He gets it. He is not out to keep us heartsick as some way of making us mature or humble.

But, if we are finding ourselves in a state of disappointment, perhaps the question to ask is - how have I taken this longing and decided how it should be fulfilled or what it is supposed to look like? Perhaps there is a different, perhaps an even better, path to seeing our dreams become reality – if we are open.

To Dream or Not to Dream

Dream...wish....desire...long for...I am surprised at the various responses these words can produce in people.  In me, they produce a wistful sigh, my head tilts to the right, and my eyes blink slowly and glaze over as if they are looking off into a distant time.  Its a good feeling with images of things like a book with my name in print on the cover, the green hills of Ireland, and a rocking chair for my front porch.

These, I realize, are not everyone's reactions however.  Some people tell me things like, "I don't really have dreams", "I'm a realist", or "I'm content with things the way they are".  It has made me pause to wonder - is dreaming a personality trait that some have and some don't?  Is dreaming the antithesis of contentment?

I have pondered this so hard and from so many different angles that I will probably have to break it down into more than one article, but let me start with this: If God's nature is to give us the desires of our hearts (Ps 3:4), then whether that really means that He gives (i.e. grants) our desires, or that He gives (i.e. shapes) our desires (which, after much pondering, I'm guessing it's both), doesn't that indicate that we were all designed to HAVE desires, dreams, wishes? Where would a tulip bulb be if it did not dream of spring, long for the sun, and desire radiant color?

SO why does this violate our religious sense of contentment? Why are desire and contentment deemed mutually exclusive?  I think perhaps it's because we do not understand the nature of God.  We say we should not dream or desire because we should be content with "the lot that God has given to us".  But is it not God's nature to "work wonders"? (Hmm, there is that word again).  I believe God works (not labors) wonders in our lives.  I love to work in my garden - it's not labor to me (which my family does not understand at all).  I genuinely enjoy to putter around, clipping off dead blooms, watering this, transplanting that, creating a wonder. In the same way, God works in our lives, creating something that inspires awe, surprise, and delight. Often He does this by allowing us to be co-creators through our dreams and desires. What parent does not strive to pull off the Christmas or birthday surprise that will leave their child breathless with delight, wondering how we knew their deepest desire? If I am content with the now but live in expectation of a God of wonders, doesn't that open the door for desire and dreaming?

Contentment and complacency are separated by a very fine line. Complacency is deadly because it is a satisfaction that does not recognize the danger of stagnancy.  It is the gardener who is so satisfied with their garden "just the way it is", they do not recognize when the blackberry bushes begin to take it over or the slugs come to eat it away.  My garden is a mixture of contentment (I'm not looking to move) but also desire (I'm always checking the sale shelves for another perennial that would look just right in that spot or a bush that would be perfect in that corner).  Perhaps it is desire that is the particular ingredient that keeps contentment from turning into complacency.

Some would say "How petty and shallow to think that God cares about a rocking chair!" But why not? Is He not big enough to be able to care about big things and little things? It would be petty and shallow if I could not be happy in life without a rocking chair on my porch, but it does not hurt to dream!    

Or does it?           Perhaps next I will tackle the issue of disappointment...

Wonder

I recently read a quote from Laurie Beth Jones that said "In our rush to seek out certainty, we shut out wonder".

It made me pause to consider the two facets of wonder: 1) to ponder or be curious about something that is beyond our explanation;  or 2) the sense of awe and amazement of something beyond our comprehension. I would love to ask her which of these she was thinking when she wrote that line, but in reflection, I guess both apply.

Regarding the first definition - there is an interesting trend in our culture where we must "know" (even it means being wrong) as opposed to tolerating the state of being unsure.  This is especially true of Western Religion.  I find it humorous, and not a little sad, that we can one moment explain that God is so vast that He can hold the universe in the palm of His hand, and the next moment assert that we completely have Him, what He thinks, what He feels, salvation, heaven and hell, AND the meaning of suffering all figured out. It seems to me that we cannot have it both ways - to shrink cosmic reality to the level of our understanding would mean shrinking God to the level of ...well, humanity - a really good, loving, smart human. But God is not human, He is...other.  Our need for certainty is just another tentacle of the monster of power and control.  We find safety in the illusion of control which requires assured, unquestionable certainty.  Part of the comfort, for me, is in believing that that there is someone bigger, stronger, and wiser than us in control. The cost of that comfort is that there are many things that I have to "wonder", because I am just not really sure how it all works (now there's a line you don't often hear from a pulpit or a radio talk show). 

But it does open my heart for the possibility of the second kind of wonder. When we must maintain total knowledge and understanding, we lose the ability to experience surprise and amazement. Its only those who are comfortable with mystery and uncertainty that can also fully feel awe and "wonderment" (love that word!).

So if the fear/awe of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom - I guess, what God is telling us is that the FIRST thing we need to learn is that He will always be suprising, amazing, a mystery, a wonder.  In other words, true wisdom comes from realizing we don't know everything!

In my garden, I don't want to rush - I want to be amazed at the unique design of every flower - I want to ponder how fast a hummingbird's wings flap - I want to open myself to WONDER.

Living in Full Color

I just spent a super weekend with my sister doing things that make me feel alive.  They may seem like a strange combination to be wrapped into one person, but they are all a little piece of my passions.  Saturday - got a new tattoo of a hawk, Sunday - saw Riverdance...again, Monday - attended the Memorial Day ceremony at the Vietnam Memorial in Portland.

While driving home, I was talking to my sister about dreams, goals, and desires.  Like many people, especially women, in our busy, achievement-driven, production-centered society, she is recognizing that all her time and efforts are pretty much centered on her "roles" - wife, mother, home school teacher, cook, housekeeper, taxi driver, and the list goes on.  "Do you see this as a problem?" I carefully probed.  "Yes!" she answered, "But what do I DO?"

But before we get to that issue, let me ask you - Are you willing to prioritize your desires into your schedule?  If you are like most, the answer is a noncommital "I think so".  You realize at some level you should, but are not sure why it just never seems to happen.  So let me ask you question #2 - "Do you tend to feel that most activities should be productive or somehow benefit someone else?" Aha, therein lies the problem.

You, my friend, are living in grayscale instead of full color.  Years ago, my sister had seen a dance production that left her breathless.  I reminded her of that experience and suggested, "You need to do more with that!"  She gave me a puzzled look as if asking "what does that have to do with anything?"  We must make room in our lives for those things which make us feel most alive.  I am not sure that we choose them or if somehow they are prewired into us genetically, spiritually, or temperamentally.  For me, it is Celtic music/dance and Veterans - passions that I feel in my bones, if that is possible.  I don't think I can even explain them and I don't feel I need to defend them - they just ARE a part of me.

Tapping into those things that are uniquely US is what causes us to live in full color and that, in and of itself, IS PRODUCTIVE.  The more alive I am, the more life I bring to my roles as wife, mother, counselor, writer, gardener, or whatever.

There is a reason that God made flowers in an array of colors.  If He were only all about duty, obligation, and production, I don't think He would have bothered with colors or flavors (and don't even get me started on that topic!).  That tells me He is also about passion, pleasure, and enjoyment.
 
So be free, my friends, to desire, dream, and live in full color!   

The Strength of Vulnerability

When did RISK become...too risky?

I read a FB post this week that said "Fear - just a thought: No one is afraid of heights, they are afraid of the fall. No one is afraid to play, they are afraid to lose. No one is afraid of the dark, they are afraid of what’s in it. No one is afraid to say “I love you”, they are afraid of the response !" - RaeAnn

So sadly true. The fact of human nature is that we will do more to avoid the possibility of something negative than we will do to pursue the things we desire! So because of the risk of losing, we don't play and never get to win - because of the risk of rejection, we don't love and never get the thrill of being loved - because of the risk of falling, we never climb to see the view.

And the only thing worse than experiencing these horrible things, is to be blindsided by them.  So being the "smart" people we are, we just expect the worst at all times.  Why is it that some people are more comfortable with failure or chaos?  Because it fits their expectations.  Success and happiness
cannot be trusted - after all, we've been taught "all good things must come to an end?" Who wrote that anyway?

I love the paradox of a flower's strength.  They seem so delicate, yet will determinedly push their way through dirt, rock, even concrete to get a chance to bloom.  They actually require incredible strength to fight for the opportunity to be their most fragile.

The same is true for us. It takes great strength and courage to live a life that is open and vulnerable - to play and risk the loss, to love and risk the hurt, to climb, and risk the fall. But isn't the purpose of a flower to actually bloom?  Isn't the purpose of life to actually live?

Why do I make my fate certain by living in fear rather than living in possibility?  Why do I shrink my existence to a realm of perceived safety at the cost of really getting to feel the sun and bloom in all my beautiful vulnerability?

I'd love to hear from some others of strength - how are you going to begin to RISK again?

If a Tulip Could Talk

4 inches - the depth that a tulip bulb should be planted.

Tulips do speak to me - they teach me - about the seasons of life, about the purpose of our winters, about the hope of spring. 

I see my life like a little garden that God and I work on together. We plant some things and cultivate other things.  Some things in my garden need pruned and other things need to be weeded out.  But I have never believed in a Secret Garden - what a waste that would be.  So here is the key to my garden - you are invited to come in and explore.  I will share what lessons I have from my little corner of the world and if any should bring a spot of color and hope to yours, than I will have succeeded  - blooming where I'm planted!